Political Science Math for Dummies 101

(posted with permission and giggles from the author, a friend and shipmate, Surikata Kumi)

So if we take our dependent variable: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's grinning does indeed enrich uranium thus providing cheap nuclear fuel for Iran, his enriching process therefor is dependent on how much he can grin. On a scale of -3 to 5, starting at 2.
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Independent variable 1: Saddam mysteriously resurrecting and bringing about the end of high insurence rates, creating a negative effect on Ahmadinejad's ability to grin. -3
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ID 2: Kim Jong Il discovering his love of folk dancing and decides to open up trade to the U.S. prevents Ahmadinejad from enjoying a hookah, thus impacting his grinning ability. -1
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ID 3: Israel suddenly falls into the sea due to unrelated Godzilla attack in Nigeria. Ahmadinejad's grin increases. +4
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ID 4: UN limits the ability for Persians to grin, Iran ignores this and receives sanctions, Ahmadinejad doesn't care, grin uneffected. 0
=
Ahmadinejad indeed grins, of which his grin is dependent on his mood, to enrich uranium at the cost of nothing and complete nonsense. Now divide by 0 and return next week when it all no longer matters and has to be rewritten.


There, now you have it.